Know Thy Fate

9 years ago I got a look at my ultimate fate. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and saw both how it ends and when it ends for those diagnosed with the same illness. I have a few chronic illnesses but this is the one that will end my life – at least my life as I know it.

I do have peace with God.

Many of us like to think somehow, we will live on forever on earth, seeking longevity, somehow cheating death. Medically it seems I have 19 years left. Suddenly it feels soon.

But I think knowledge of my own ending helps me to seek out the good in knowing it which is effectively allowing me to be the person I’m called to be without pretense or regret – and up to the very end to live life and make decisions for the glory of God. Up to the end I’ll live my life as God’s called me to live it.

Knowing my fate is a tremendous relief. I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I feel like now that I’m past that, I have a sense of self acceptance. I have never felt more alive – because all the things that I thought mattered really don’t matter.

My job now is to make every day count as much as possible. There’s a lot of freedom in that.