On the website “Providr.com” Brandon Marji, a staff writer, wrote a great article, “People Who Prefer To Be Alone Have These 6 Special Personality Traits“.
One of the challenges for me is that people tend to think I need to “get out more”, “be more social”, and even within “the church” it can be framed as “you need to be more evangelistic”. Truth be told I don’t know that society or the church places value on people who are introverted or tend to prefer to be alone.
I want to take each of Brandon Marji’s points and talk to them from those lenses.
Brandon Marji opens up his article:
“When someone who prefers having a smaller circle of friends and do not mind spending time alone, they are called loners. People perceive them as individuals who are very lonely and depressed. Unlike those who actually feel lonely, these types of individuals never actually feel lonely.
In fact, being with their own company is exactly what makes them feel fulfilled. They feel more in touch with themselves and do their best thinking, making them more self-aware of things. This is probably why they prefer to be alone.
It’s not often that people get to become friends with a loner, mainly because they are very picky with whom they choose become close with. With that said, what are other traits that make a person a loner?”
I think the statement here is pretty good. I think in my experience at least there is a level of fulfillment brought on by doing things alone. Not everything but a great deal – when it comes to worship I’d rather worship God in a seat not surrounded by fifty other people. When I spend time with my cat it’s outdoors in my back yard, not in a dog park with others. I spend 50+ hours a week working and being outward facing as the owner of my own company. I do like to be alone to recharge.
Firm Boundaries: A loner always emphasizes healthy, strong boundaries. They always realize that they’re never alone, even if they were the last person living on earth
Because of this, they always respect the boundaries of others, and expect that same respect in return. If others cross those boundaries, they will be the first to let you know. They believe that if you cannot be faithful to yourself, than you cannot be faithful to others.
I am big on boundaries. I wasn’t always. But I think it’s important especially when working with other entrepreneurs and when having other entrepreneurs as friends to respect boundaries. We tend to work a lot but when we aren’t working, we aren’t working. It is enough of a challenge to “turn off” because we aren’t subject to outside pressure to “to turn off” – we are the ones who turn that switch on and off and we don’t always communicate that to others when the switch is on and off. So in that sense we have to be proactive in both setting boundaries and checking on the boundaries of others.
Loyalty: Unlike those who need to be in the spotlight, a loner does not crave attention. But, once they find someone they want to become close friends with, they become the most loyal friend you’ll ever have.
They know their worth, and if they find you to also be worthy of being in their life, they will give you everything whenever you need it. This goes for all fields of life, relationships, family, friends, and work.
I tend to try to stay out of the spotlight at all costs. Sometimes I am not successful admittedly. But it does become a challenge sometimes. When in a new situation I tend to keep my eyes open and my mouth shut. It seems to be a good technique.
Keeps an Open Mind: Just because they enjoy the company of themselves over others, this does not mean that they are rigid and close minded, it’s the total opposite. They are very open-minded, and are constantly up for new adventures and activities.
Even though they enjoy new and exciting things, they will always make sure they have their alone time to collect their thoughts before taking up things with new people.
I will tend to go do new things but if I have to expend the energy to lead those new things, then they become less desirable to do. If I’m asked to go on a new adventure or activity, it better be led by someone else. It’s enough energy expended just for me to go out and do it. I spend my entire work week leading my company and my own workload as well as meeting with others. By the time any adventure happens, that ‘energy tank’ is all but drained.
Level-Headed: When adversity and challenges come into play, loners do not panic or run, they are strong willed individuals. Their self-reflection time is what has prepared them for situations like this.
They may feel stressed and overwhelmed in some situations, but rather than waste time with distractions, they will spend some time alone and recharge their batteries.
Self-Awareness: While many people are frightened by their emotions, loners choose to focus on them and be aware of them. Become aware of one’s self is a very difficult talk to achieve.
Because of this, no one knows them better than they do and this allows them to understand people around them better. Granted, there will be times of depression and anxiety, but loners always have the ability to get through them and learn their lesson.
They Value Time: If there is one thing that is extremely important to a loner, it’s time. The most important asset for success in life is time, and loners are well aware of that.
They are never late, they never waste anyone’s time and never let anyone waste theirs. Because of their ability to sniff out a fake person, they will never tolerate someone who they feel will try and play with their emotions.
They Know No One is Perfect: Everyone has flaws and ways to improve those flaws. So rather than make a big fuss about them, they know to just go with the flow.
Loners always do what they feel is right for themselves and for others and always make sure that they do whatever they can to address each flaw. They are always completely honest with themselves and with others and will try and help improve those flaws.
Very Empathetic: Loners are able to feel and sympathize with others on the same level that they are. Being able to feel everyone’s sorrow can be a curse to have, but loners know how to handle it.
Because they are so empathetic, it’s very easy for them to find the bright side out of any negative situation. Rather than beat around the bush and feed their friends some wisdom, they would much rather find an immediate (answer / solution).