The Church Search
Having left my church, July 30 2023. I have found in the subsequent weeks that a lot of things I had to adjust from – there were phrases like small groups make a large church feel small. I don’t think that’s necessarily something that should be relied on. It may be an effect of that. But it’s not a substitution for authentic community for a pastor of a mega church, actually reaching out to their congregants. Does a small group make a large church feel small probably. Should it be an excuse for pastors and mega churches? Not to reach out to congregants less affluent ones. No.
Another myth you find your church you find your purpose you find your spiritual family. You walk in your purpose with them or you find your purpose with them. I used to think that to be true, but I think that your purpose can be found outside of your church outside of spiritual family and I think sometimes it’s a hook for membership. It’s something to motivate you to be more involved. Get plugged in volunteer, that’s where you’re going to find community. I think at the end of the day, the church is a volunteer organization. And he’s volunteers to run and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you should be able to find community other ways other than serving in the church, is that healthy and beneficial probably. But should that be the reason that you serve in the church? No, I don’t I don’t think you know, serving an expecting community and then being disappointed if you don’t find it. Or alternatively, if you stopped serving at church and that community is gone, nobody calls you nothing like that. I think there are issues there.
And then, you know, one that I have found, which leads into, you know where I’m at right now is the idea that, you know, spiritual family can fill in some gaps, where your real family, biological family, adoptive family has let you down, you’re grafted into the body of Christ. You’ll find your spiritual family here you’ll find a mother you’ll find a father you’ll find those people that you didn’t have in your life before. I have found that you can be spiritual family, you can see you have a father figure in the church. But when those families go on vacation, they don’t take you when they have Thanksgiving and Christmas. You’re not invited. Just the biological family of those people are invited.
When there are big family moments, you’re not there. It’s the biological family that’s there. Yes, spiritual family isn’t. You know, they’ll say you’re like a son to us. Then why was I invited on your vacation? Why wasn’t I invited to your holiday meal? Why wasn’t I invited to this graduation? Why wasn’t I invited to this wedding? I think that that’s a form of rejection that I’ve had to endure, and one that exists in the church. I think people mean well, but even my own daughter, you know, the a woman in the first served as a mother like figure to her said, I will treat you like my other children. And there was when it came to discipline and ministry, but when it came to being involved in the fun stuff, the good stuff, the family stuff. My child was left out.
And I think that’s the first time that I saw it. When somebody said, you know, I’m, I’m the mother to this child, the child that I adopted, but yet my child was invited to the fun things that that family did. And then I realized, you know, later deadline, I wasn’t invited. To those things. So it’s a further you know, you are an orphan. There’s no two ways around it. People mean well, but I think sometimes the church tries to fill in the gaps. But it can’t. It can’t do that. It doesn’t know how people don’t know how. So that’s that’s it’s not so much a story just kind of a thought process that I have that we can work in here somehow.
