Memories I: Growing Up

When people start to talk about their life story and write memoirs, I think the first thing they look at, it’s their family ancestry and where it originates from, but I was an orphan. My birth parents are presumed killed. There’s not like there’s adoption paperwork showing who my birth parents were. Any paperwork exists was presumed destroyed during the fall of Saigon. So there’s really no information there. We didn’t have actual names. I was a number on a manifest. We all had made up names that were variations of I think the person that ran the orphanage, but I wouldn’t necessarily call them names.

So looking at relatives, I don’t know any of my biological relatives. Even my birthday is made up. It’s assumed that was born sometime in the middle of September. 1974. That was six months or so, seven, eight months before the fall of Saigon during the Vietnam War. So, again, I don’t know if my birth mother was a teenager or an adult. I didn’t know from genetic testing name considered fully Vietnamese was born in a war zone. So I don’t know about my actual birth father, either.

I know that growing up when I would wake up in the morning, you know, I would hear the sounds of growing up in the country when I lived in Dillsburg, Pennsylvania. Birds and nature and that kind of thing. So when I was in my childhood bedroom, I’ve seen pictures of it. They had a big poster of a cat so I know that I wanted a cat from very young age. I remember these knit blankets, my babysitter made for me. Those were pretty nice. And you know, my bedspread. We call them back then. And curtains match they were custom made.

So remember that I mean, there are pictures so I do have pictures of different things. I remember I actually had terrarium with live insects in it. piece of plastic wrapped with holes in it kept him alive without getting out of the house. Getting into the house, that kind of thing.

We had two dogs initially growing up in the home in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania, and then our move to Dillsburg we ended up with a total of 13 cats. And cats were a big part of my life because I was the one that wanted cats. We I had mine my sister had hers and there were like 12 Other ones over the span of time that we were there. And they were pretty big deal. I remember my cat specifically Sylvester we played in the yard a lot. We went back where there was a little running stream Creek type of deal. And my cats would. We will play there and then run all the way back up. To the house so my cat went out run me a lot of the time.

I think you know I think my childhood home it was big. It was blue. And I remember it was the 1980s Obviously there was always stuff cooking in the kitchen there was a kitchen island. In our basement, there’s a little musty but that’s where we put the cats at night and then let them out in the morning. They would get to roam in the house and then go inside and outside and inside and outside and inside and outside constantly. But that was our home there’s linoleum floors and carpet and you know I had to sweep and vacuum them under the linoleum floors. Fortunately I didn’t have to mop them in a vacuum the carpet and that was kind of the deal.

Many bathrooms I remember 1234 There are at least four bathrooms that I can recall. When my mother passed away, I went to visit the house that they had built in Dillsburg. And I met the new owners and it was probably the third set of owners and they actually let me inside and I was able to look at it and it’s funny it actually did seem a lot smaller than it did to me as a kid in 1982.

But then, my family growing up I think I was a stupid one. I was definitely the younger one. I think it was a stupid one to like my sister made the honorable she was always in the highest section of kids. You know, not quite the gifted kids but definitely like the accelerated learning the audit what you would consider now honors classes. That wasn’t me. I was slow. I think that’s what it amounts to.

Within my family I was definitely probably the the one that went to stay home the one that didn’t want to go to family gatherings. And the one that was largely on its own I remember during the premiere of Star Trek The Next Generation in 1987 I was out voted the whole family sat in the living room, watch whatever they’re gonna watch. And I sat in the kitchen by myself on a barstool with a little tiny TV. Seeing the Enterprise D for the first time, along with the rest of America and later the rest of the world.

But in my family no one really had the interest that I had allowed them the resources for dedicated towards helping my sisters figure skating career. So that was that was kind of the thing if my sister had a competition or my sister had training or whatever. I think I don’t think I’d end up going to a lot of the competitions but when she had training and stuff like that, you know I just had to go be entertain. And while they were doing that when she was done we would go home you know most of my childhood was indoors.

For Pennsylvania. Its mascot or whatever is a dope pickle, I think. I don’t know that for a fact that it was a small community, rural community a lot of it was farming territory. We had one restaurant Hardys one grocery store Meyers food right if you want to go to a giant food store, drive all the way at Bowman style, which I think nowadays is like 15 minutes away. Now there’s a giant right in town. We lived about 10 or 15 minutes from out in the country, which seemed like a long distance back then. But it was definitely kind of local, little country town and I think to some degree even with all the development it’s still as you know, growing up in the summertime during those warm weeks, I played outside a lot.

I got little Weekly Reader kits in the mail that week or eat or summer kits where you got magazines or books or activity kits or that kind of thing. I remember those came in the male friends came over I guess. But that was pretty much summer you know, I remember I think the I would get sick a lot of other words right knows though would have fever or flu like conditions. Stay home, wash, TV, eat soup, that kind of thing.

Are the worst those actually after I’ve moved out 21st birthday and I went blind. I had some kind of massive eye infection that was light sensitive. could barely see. I had really driven to my parents house you know I’d already moved out and I lad to live downstairs in a dark basement and that was 21 It’s fortunate I was drinking way before then. So I wasn’t really missing anything. I had to celebrate my actual 21st Birthday later, I think with a friend of mine named Tina and who live tourism middles town in Highspire, Pennsylvania.

She was my trainer at work at Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance agency I used to babysit for her when she would go and hang out with her friends like Greta who was also co worker and train me to do things that work as well. But I remember that was a slow recovery and that was horrible to just because I was dependent on everybody else.

You know, my family was full of secrets. I think I’ve recounted in a previous entry. The fact that my sister believed that my parents killed our foster children during the TMI incident. That was probably the biggest secret and that did come out. My sister referred to a relative known as Harpo that committed suicide considered that a family secret that nobody talked about I eventually told my mother and my father that my sister thought these things that my mother and father adopted mother and father were killers.

And my mother eventually dragged it out. My sister was able to confront that my father just did his own investigation figured out where the foster kids were proved they existed. I don’t think it ever knocked her out of that fantasy or fugue state. Completely, completely.

You know, growing up, I think about different smells that I associate with my childhood. I think the number one smell I have is pizza because we the pizza a lot. Pizza was a birthday staple pizza was easy. I always like pepperoni pizza. We had pizza school.

Another smell that I associate with my childhood would be the smell of cat litter because it was my job to clean the cat litter and then grass because I mowed the grass a lot and I mean grass like long grass and grass like we’d buy Mowed Lawn I rode around on a John Deere and on a Sears riding mower and just you know that was a thing I had to push mow some areas every week to and I do remember the smell of grass. So grass was something growing up in my household.

I think Christmas was a tradition. I remember we got to open up one gift on Christmas Eve I think I think later or some we got to look at our stockings or something. The bulk of everything was Christmas morning and then going to a resort called Woodloch pines once or twice a year. My grandparents and then were my parents. That was a tradition.

In the wintertime we had a snowmobile so we rode around on the snowmobile a lot. I think those were household traditions. I grew up Lutheran, primarily when we lived in Campo Pennsylvania went to Trinity Lutheran Evangelical Church and then when we moved to Dallas, where I went to Mount Zion Evangelical Lutheran Church, the Reverend Sarah Heintzelman so we had a female senior pastor.

I remember she came into the house she didn’t like me asking questions, either eventually took Luther Small Catechism and then I was able to take communion up to that and I just got tapped on the head during communion, or sleeping on my dad’s lap a lot during church. He was an usher. And then my little Crayola crayon bag it was a whole bag and I stuffed comic books and those got me through church.

After my parents divorced, we didn’t go to church anymore. Remember went once to Christian Light Christian life assembly in Campo Pennsylvania when I got my first job around 16 Pastor Paul J was Locky Wood, who I’m sure has passed away. I simply went because the people that I worked for were Christians and I thought it was a good idea to at least go once because I worked for them and that was the end of religion for me.

Until I went to a Monica concert, and I remember a group called Out of Eden and a group called grits for singing do I didn’t know what an opening act was. I had I think that was my second concert. And the first one was brandy and literally, I think it was just brandy. This one had two opening acts and when out of Eden sang that’s when I now know that I felt the power of the Holy Spirit.

And I was able to connect with them. And they ended up later inviting me to Morningstar New York, which became every nation. The whole thing was rebranded to every nation and that’s how religion happened. But in my youth, religion wasn’t a big thing past catechism. I’m parents divorced, that was pretty much the end of religion.

So when I think about my childhood kitchen, think about seafood because I hate the smell of seafood. I borderline allergic to it makes me sick so I don’t need it can’t eat at home my father loves seafood. So always remember the smell that or grease or you know steak gums that was an ad staple. We always had steak arms or meatloaf or roast beef what you would consider a pot roast or grits. We always like grits. That kind of thing.

So last topic here I’ll talk about and admittedly I’m working out of a book called The Story of my life. If the story is in you, it has to come out after struggling a little bit and having my accountability call. Thank you Robbie. I found this book by pill Piccadilly USA. It’s a journal. I think it’s great just as a I can flip through and just talk about these things in the otter here. May we unpack some more of them at some point.

This is the childhood and family section. So the last question I will answer for tonight. When I was a kid, my favorite TV show was and there are a few of them. First, I grew up with Star Trek Star Trek The Original Series because there wasn’t a next generation. I remember specifically watching a lot of Star Trek there were reruns on every night.

Remember making my own communicator and tricorder definitely like Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk. The Munsters. I think the family dynamic was great. For the monsters. And I like Universal Monsters. Buck Rogers in the 21st century now we never got that home but I could always see it on WTF channel 29 at my grandma’s house because she had cable.

We didn’t have cable for longest time than we did. We didn’t get that station. So Buck Rogers was always afraid to favor mine, especially bucking tweaky Twinkie the little robot was pretty cool. Batman is still a show that I can watch. I can cycle through that every once in a while. With Adam West. Always like Batman. I always wish my life could have been like Batman when I was a kid.

Like I wanted the study and the living room and the bat poles and then go down have an adventure in the Batmobile each week that definitely like Batman growing up the Superfriends was a big deal to the degree that I actually recreated the syndicated bumpers last week. I found the audio I found the video and I put the right audio with the right video.

Yeah The Twilight Zone the original Twilight Zone. I would actually watch that with my parents. Sometimes it was a little scary so it was kind of helpful. But yeah, definitely enjoyed watching the Twilight Zone both the 1950s and then the new Twilight Zone which was partially written by an author that I get the privilege of dialoguing with Alan Brenner.

In particular, he wrote two stories are adapted one we’re at one. Her pilgrims soul was an adaption now, Eric pilgrim so he wrote a message for charity was an adaption and and there’s voices in the earth. I’m not 100% sure on that, but message for charity. And her pilgrims over to my favorite stories.

It was to a point where once I learned a little bit more about him. I was working at media play, and they had a book section. I remember being in the superpi section that was a section with different colored stickers. It was kind of like the step after bargain. Books, where you can really save some money and just all kinds of random books I said, I wanted to see my head her pilgrim saw her in hardcover, and one day there it was, and obviously I don’t speak these things into existence. I don’t conjure them. But it was I thought of it and it was there. It was just kind of the most brilliant thing.

But the Twilight Zone, Batman Star Trek Superfriends Saturday morning, the Shirttails The Smurfs, Spider Man is amazing friends, Dungeons and Dragons. The ABC weekend special, incredible hulk animated. And then of course, the Incredible Hulk live action I think was one of the first television shows I ever saw.

Remember, washed out black and white TV in my mom’s bedroom. Bill Bixby. Lou Ferrigno always liked the electric company more than Sesame Street Mr. Rogers even though they’re different age brackets, because the electric company had Spider Man. So that was that was pretty cool.

And those were my childhood shows obviously, he man GI Joe and the Transformers came a little later. Along the Thundercats still like GI Joe and transformers and he man to this day, so we’ll kind of wrap that up as that’s what we’re doing talking about for tonight, so yeah, the story of my life the stories in you because random stories just aren’t really coming but maybe as I go through this book, or next few days, they will.