Rejection is Hard

rejections hard. I mean I can I can sit on that topic for a long time. But I remember the first girl that I really liked in middle school. Her name was Sarah Chambers. She’s really cute too. She ended up dating like, I don’t know, the football team captain or something like that. But in any case, I liked her a lot and I was obviously going through a lot including my parents announced divorce and things like that, and I always strove to be better. Just hoping that there would be a chance somewhere and eventually she was just something to focus on. I knew I had about zero chance with her which was very true.

Her parents once talked about getting a restraining order the the counselor talked talk them out of it. I do remember that specifically. I had no ill intent. I wasn’t stalking. I just didn’t have anywhere to go with all the changes that were happening in my life. I was just trying to basically grip to reality somehow. And liking her was something to latch on. Even just the idea of liking her was something to latch on.

She gave me a note one year which was very kind. And then I don’t know maybe 20 years later, she Facebook messaged me back I faced a question reach out to her. And it was a resolution of sorts. I think I’d make I guess she married twice. So I’m gonna guess the she reached out to me in between those two marriages. I wish I could have read between the lines. I mean, she’s happily married for the second time now. Boy, when that would have been an adventure to go down.

But seriously, you know, there were times that my life seemed hopeless and I just latched on to that liking of her. And I seriously think it got me through. I seriously do I mean again, I said about zero chance. cutest girl and the seventh eighth ninth 10th grade right, well, ninth grade ninth 10th I left that school in the 10th grade during my parents divorce. But yeah, I just I even smile thinking of her now.

She likes dogs. She seems to have a heart for animal rescue in some way. She is conservative. I think she’s a nurse now. I think she wanted to be an art teacher. But if it weren’t for her, I would not have made it. I can say that because I needed. I needed something to latch on to. I needed something to get through those tough times. When my family was basically just drawing itself.

She had a best friend named Marilyn. Marilyn was sympathetic to it. Marilyn’s stuck up for me. I have lost track of her I did see her during a reunion at one point. I very early one like a five or 10 Marilyn with somebody that could pour my heart out to Marilyn had issues with her brother and addiction. And I know Marilyn didn’t want to see bad things happen to me from wondering what’s happened to her over time. But as much as fixating on Sarah got me through. Also, I think just having Marilyn there being sympathetic, knowing she was connected to Sarah really helped and I think I shared everything on the planet to make and I truly am thankful for her. I haven’t thought about her in a long time.

It’s funny, though, how, in the old days, you know, we would look at things after high school and say high school really didn’t matter. You’re never gonna see those people again. And then Facebook changed that. I got a nice letter from a girl named Laura York that I went to school with. Basically apologizing for how I was treated in school. I think I started the card somewhere.

A girl named Jocelyn Mitchell lived in New York City same time I did. I grew up with her. And she’s been one of the biggest supports of my cat home. My little cat rescue home she gives a couple $100 Every year which is amazing and she’s made the point that people probably don’t know what I’m doing. A girl named Angela Bennett who I remember I wanted to throw a rock at and I think she’s the rock at me or something one year. She has come to the rescue for my cat home. A girl named Kara Soals did the same thing. Redd Smith – he’s a doctor now he gave to some of my more humanitarian work.

It’s just it’s been incredible as I’m going through this realizing that Facebook and the online world has really reconnected. Me to some people that have been so generous to what I do. And again, they allowed me to get the ultimate resolution with balcony which I was really appreciative for.

I remember specifically it was a Sunday morning. I was trying to pick up my kids and take them to church. My inner city kids, my car broken down and some work done on it like a tire or something. So I went to Firestone that morning. I was able to get back on the road but while I was waiting Sarah messaged me. And it was great because I think in some way I always wanted her approval I remember my whole infatuation started with her with a dream which I have never talked about that we were sitting at a Hardee’s in Dulce for and I was giving her a ring. Yeah, that was a that was something I think that’s what what started that.

But yeah, even smile thinking about her now I truly, truly wish her well. I don’t think I would have made it through adolescence without her. And again, I think the core that comes from the fact that came at a time when my family was self destructing when my father was taking these trips and eventually moved out and divorced my mom. I think on some level, I was just looking for something that would help me survive the change that I was about to go through.

(Names changed on this particular journal)