The Orphan Tragedy

So I’d always been told my story was interesting. But it wasn’t until there was an opportunity to go to the African nation Zambia Sub Saharan nation and work with orphans that are really truly understood that there was an opportunity for connection. So I went to, I went to Zambia and helped work with some orphans and about that time period. I had made contact with Betty Tisdale, the woman who was responsible for evacuating me from Vietnam.

Turns out she lived in Seattle, so I flew out and spent a week in her home. Going through scrapbooks watching the movie, where Shirley Jones from The Partridge Family played her. I wish I had recorded Betty’s comments throughout the movie because there isn’t actually a commentary with her in existence, but we practically did one and I think that’s one of my biggest, biggest regrets there is that wasn’t able to do that.

Meeting her I was able to get copies of the manifest. Go through different articles of the time understand the politics of the time and all of that, so that was and just spend time with her. You know, she had brought over some kids and adopted them getting to meet her kids was great. She supported my inner city kids ministry for a few years. And it was just it was a good opportunity. She has passed so I think it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Went to Zambia twice and Kenya twice and South Africa once and it was on a trip to South Africa where there was a terrible day. terrible day. I I wasn’t in a good place mentally. I was still working for my church in New York. I was living in Nashville. And I was clashing with the people that I was working for in New York City. And then I jumped on a plane to South Africa.

I was originally going to Kenya, I think a third time and that got nixed when Zimbabwe’s economy collapsed, and there was political uprising in Kenya. So I ended up in South Africa. First half of the trip, I was in a place called purchase drum with Pastor velum now, he was nice. My headspace was terrible. I had a bad attitude. I stayed with a guide name is owl and they put up with me.

And then I ended up at the baby havens with David Webb. And we had a day off. After I’d run around with David, and all we had day off and a baby that they had at the hospital. Came home, and then he became sick overnight. So we we took him to the hospital and I drove well. David Webb’s wife Caroline held the baby and that was apparent I couldn’t drive the vehicle so I was having problems shifting gears. So we switched and it was at that point that the baby passed away in my arms.

I remember praying to God saying can we switch places can you take me instead and let the baby love? I was slumped up against a wall just sitting outside a room. We ended up burying the baby I was asked if I could. I would speak at the funeral and I didn’t but I grabbed a shovel and helped actually physically bury the baby.

And I sat on that for 15 years there was no one to really talk about it. And then I realized last year that I needed to unpack this. So ask David Webb the next time he was in in the United States just could we connect so had dinner with he and his wife Caroline. After the pleasantries. We just unpacked it minute by minute.

And what I found was twofold to help to talk about it because he and his wife had each other to process it over 15 years. I didn’t really have anybody that could possibly relate to that experience. And then I found out nobody could drive that vehicle. Well, so it wasn’t just me. And that was a burden lifted because for the last 15 years I thought you know that that was just something that I sucked at and contributed negatively to that day.

I remember feeling so nervous about holding a newborn when I got back my pastor had a child and I just, I was encouraged to hold him. I just didn’t want to I mean, I did it. But I just didn’t want to and I never went overseas again. I think that’s when I really dug in to the mission. That was in my own backyard.

In fact, when I had to get my passport renewed actually had to have it redone because it had an expired. I just I never went back and I still haven’t